Dealing with Difficult Personality Types in the Workplace

One of the keys to handling workplace conflicts may be your ability to recognize a tank. Not the military kind, rolling over any obstruction in its path. The human kind - rolling over any obstruction in its path.

A "tank" is a pushy or aggressive person, someone who should put you on full alert to guard your emotions and reactions. A "sniper" on the other hand, attempts to get his or her own way by embarrassing or humiliating you, while a "know-it-all" dominates conversations with lengthy, imperious arguments and likes to discredit others by pointing out flaws and weaknesses.

Sound familiar? Like a few people you work with every day?

It's these personality types - and a few choice others - that make work environments so stressful, says Dr. Rick Kirshner, who often writes and lectures about these conflicts with fellow naturopathic physician Dr. Rick Brinkman.

"Stress brings with it the 'fight or flight' response," Kirshner says in Dealing With People You Can't Stand, co-authored with Brinkman (McGraw Hill, 1994). "What you have to learn is how to understand those responses."

For example, Kirshner says that when dealing with the "tank" you can't simply defend or justify your position, or shut down, because it probably won't work. Instead, you must stand your ground, and interrupt by calmly saying the person's name several times. Then, quickly backtrack to the main point by showing you heard and understood the accusations, then move on to the bottom line. Outline how you think the outcome can be achieved.

He also recommends:

• Being aggressive and direct with a "sniper" who needs to be brought out of hiding. If you get a snide comment, address the sniper's jibe. Keep your tone neutral and have an innocent look on your face. Try asking, "When you say that, what are you really trying to say?"
• Being flexible with the "know-it-all" and maintain your patience. Be clever about how you present your ideas. Respectfully and sincerely let the person see that you understand the "brilliance" behind his or her opinion. You also can become less of a threat by regarding this person as a mentor, or by beginning your sentences with "maybe" or "perhaps."
• Listening to the "whiner" no matter how agonizing. These are the folks who complain that nothing is right and there are no solutions. So you must write down the complaints, and interrupt (tactfully) and get specific. Ask for the whiner's help. Then shift the focus to solutions and ask them what they want.
• Dealing positively with the "just say no" person. It can build character. This is the person who figures nothing can ever go right and who pulls others into the pit of despair. These people often have personal trials that have sunk them to these depths, but what's important is that you not get sucked in with them. Tell yourself that dealing positively with them builds character. Get a little thrill by throwing them off and saying, "You're doing a wonderful job." Or, use them as an early warning system - let them dissect and destroy every idea to look for flaws.
• Be willing to take more time with the "nothing" person. This is the person who does exactly... nothing. They do and say nothing when events fail to measure up and completely withdraw in frustration. Ask open-ended questions in an expectant way, requiring more from them. Use humor to break down the silent wall erected by this personality type, or try guessing what the problem is to get a response. Show them the future by telling them what can happen if they continue to be unresponsive. When they start talking, listen carefully but don't interrupt.

SOURCE: Adapted from Anita Bruzzese, Take This Job and Thrive (Manassas Park, VA, 2000), pp. 47-49. $14.95. Tel. 1-800-361-1055. Website: www.impactpublications.com